Relationships! Selflessly Selfish!

22 06 2011

As anyone can tell, I am most passionate about relationships.  Most of my posts are about relationships.  Whether it’s about friends or significant others, I love relationships.  They are soo tricky though!  Everything can be great one minute, and the next, it can be irreconcilable.  So intricate.  Let me look at the friendship part first then move on to the good stuff.

Friends at a Friends wedding...and me pimping the fedora!

I have a pretty decent group of friends.  True friends that care enough about me to inconvenience themselves.  But it’s not easy.  I’ve put a lot of time and pride swallowing moments into these relationships.  I’ve had friends who’ve slept with my Valentines date…not going to mention any names, but it’s the same butthead who also pissed in my shoe and I didn’t find out until 3 months later!  Dick!  I’ve also had friends who’ve come with me on a stake-out to see if I could catch my ex-wife cheating on me.  Not something you want to do at 7 a.m. but he did it.  But these relationships are tough.  I’ve been talking to a good friend of mine a lot lately about what it means to be a good friend and it really boils down to this.  Selflessness.  It’s really easy to be caught up in your own “stuff” but how often do you stop and ask your friend what’s going on?  Not just “hey, what’s up” but “Hey, somethings on your mind, and I’m not going to have another beer until you tell me what’s up!”  Yes, I’ve actually gone that route before.  It’s these friends that don’t care how awkward or tiring it is to deal with your “stuff”, but they care enough about you to hash this stuff out.  Friends are tough to maintain, but you’ve got to decide if they are people that you care enough about, to put in the work to maintain.  Everyone thinks friends are a dime a dozen.  Not true!  Acquaintances are a dime a dozen, friends are harder to come by.  I have friends, and then I have FRIENDS!  My FRIENDS I would do almost anything for.  They are the people that I can call for a stake-out.  Can I call you for a stake-out sometime….?  Well could I?  I’m not gonna write another post until you comment on whether I can call you for a stake-out!  I’ll bring the donuts and Dr. Pepper!

Now for the good stuff!  I love to talk about RELATIONSHIPS!  I mean your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/ estranged lover/Sancho kind of relationship!  Now friends are work, but this is on a whole other scale.  At first it’s easy!  You think about them all the time, you text them constantly, you call them for no reason but to hear their voice.  I love this stage of a relationship.  HONEYMOON STAGE!  But, it gets better.  Unfortunately it’s not as easy.  When you start building on a true relationship where you are sharing your life with someone, it’s tough.  Life is tough, and that’s just living your own, now try to mix in another selfish person, and some very selfish kids.  I say selfish, because it’s not in our nature to be selfless.  You have to train yourself to be selfless.  Try waking up and living your life for someone else.  That’s basically what a perfect marriage is I think.  If both people in the relationship wake up and do everything they do that day for the other person i.e. make breakfast that they like, fill the car up before you come home so they don’t have to worry about it, and stop by the store so you can pick up their favorite bottle of wine.  It’s these kind of things that bless the other person.  If everyone lived their marriage like this, there wouldn’t be a divorce rate.  But we are sinful, faulted people.  We can’t keep that up forever…unless we ask for help.  I fully intend on making this the model for my…next…marriage.  The person that I’m with better expect to have all of me forever!  I’ll be pouring on the blessings.  You’re going to have coffee in the morning, sweet texts throughout the day, flowers once a year…(i’m romantic, not wealthy!) and so forth.  I love to love.

Communication is the key to any relationship.  Serious or not.  If you don’t like something that the other person is doing, tell them.  If you feel that you can’t, then it’s not a healthy relationship.  Both parties should be able to be completely transparent with each other.  “hey, i’m not comfortable with you hanging out with this person, because of X, Y, and Z.”  The other person can re-act 1 of 2 ways.  “Ok, I don’t necessarily agree, but let’s talk about it”, or maybe, “you’re right, I really shouldn’t, I apologize, thanks for bringing it to my attention”.  Or the other way, “You’re always trying to ‘monitor’ who I hang out with, You don’t trust me!”  This is the sign of mistrust.  I’ve actually found that when someone in a relationship accuses the other of something that is unsubstantiated, then they are usually guilty of it themselves.  Communication though is the key.  If you can’t talk to the other person, then you shouldn’t be more than friends with them.

Selflessly Selfish!  You give soo much of yourself, that there is no other option than for someone to start giving back to you, it’s selflessly selfish.  It’s a selfless way to be selfish.  Make sense?

Let me know what you think on this topic.  I need feedback.  Share what you think!


Love to Love!

1 06 2011

I’ve been doing alot of thinking lately and realizing how blessed I am.  I don’t have an easy life, I don’t have a ton of money, I have had a lot of heart breaks, but one thing I have found very prevalent in my life, LOVE.

I have loved and I am continuously blessed with the love of many.  I consider myself to have a BIG heart (which matches my big…ness)  and I love to love people.  Yes, I do some of it selfishly, but if I love on other people to get some sort of personal satisfaction, I’m not going to hear too many complaints on that…I think.  But truly, I love on people because: A) I love the satisfaction of people being blessed and B) I love on people because I know that’s what I’m called to do.

Ok, now to go in depth.  A) I love to know that I’ve caused someone joy, satisfaction, relief, and pleasure.  I’ve been very blessed in my life by being surrounded by people who aren’t afraid to go out of their way to help me.  People who care more about helping me out and showing me love than watching an extra hour of t.v.  It’s an overwhelming feeling of joy knowing that people care.  Have you ever been sitting their thinking about all the friends that have just helped you move and you think to yourself, “man I wish they didn’t help me out, I know they don’t expect anything in return which is such a burden.  I wish they had just let me struggle, alone, and I could have had a nice little pity party!”  Of course not!  Instead, “I can’t believe this person/people took time out of their day to come help me out, which I’m sure wasn’t on their to-do list, but I’m important enough or worth the effort.”  That’s just a good feeling.  Rarely do people ever express that to that person who’s helped or been helping them, but they think it, and that’s enough for me to keep helping people.  A good friend of mine introduced me to this thought that’s an amazing one if you really grasp it.  They said, “you’re not responsible for someone else’s re-action, only your actions.”  So when you help someone out, don’t wait for them to say, “thanks for the help,” just know that you did your part.  You took the right action, and they’re reaction is out of your control.  Imagine this, (as you all know, I love analogies) your friend is going to Colorado from Arizona, and they ask you, their good friend, to go with and keep them company, and he’ll fly you back.  That’s a long trip, around 15 hours to be exact.  That’s going to take some effort on your part, but they’ve already offered to pay for everything so you don’t need to do anything but keep them company and maybe drive for a few hours.  But this friend, never said thank you the last time you helped them move.  They never even helped re-imburse you for your gas.  Well you say, “No” and this friend makes the trip themselves.  They drive for hours, trying to make it there before sundown, so they drive for 12 hours straight, then all the sudden, they fall asleep at the wheel, crash and are paralyzed for the rest of their life.  How do you feel now?  Well they weren’t a good friend to me!  And how did that make you feel?  Was that a good feeling?  Did it make you feel valuable?  Of course not, it was lonely and hard work.  Well because you decided to teach them a lesson, they have to live the rest of their lives in a wheelchair and no you’re not to blame, but you could’ve helped and you might have even had fun, but instead, you taught them a really good lesson!  I always try to think about the reprocussions of my decisions and am I doing all that I can to be a good neighbor.  That’s what we are called to do.  I don’t care what you believe or don’t believe, being a good neighbor to everyone, can change the world.  It can change lives.

Now for B) As a christian believer, I’m called to do many things.  Number 1, Love God!  Number 2, Love your neighbor!

That’s kind of a big statement.  God has called us to love our neighbor as ourselves right after, we love Him.  That means, treat your neighbor as you would want to be treated.  I would hope that my neighbor would help me move a couch because I can’t do it myself.  It takes them a minute, but saves me 20.  Besides, I love meeting new people.  Think about each and every one of your friends, they were all strangers at one point, and you got to know them through random circumstances and now you’re good friends with them sharing every part of your life with them.  You never know when your next best friend is looking for a little help from a “stranger”.  My small group used to hate “multiplying” because that

means we have to not meet with some people that we’ve grown relationships with.  I keep telling people, there are 8 new “good friends” waiting to meet us, all we have to do is be open to meeting new people.  I might meet my next wife through a random circumstance.  I might not even be helping that person directly, but might run into them while helping someone else.  Or, you can be greedy with your own time…that God has granted you…and do what you want to do, which usually isn’t important, but just something that is fun.  Then, next time your turn comes around for help, you’ll have….the same amount of people not willing to help you, because you never helped them.  Am I being redundant or is this making sense?

In short…I guess long because this is a long rambling, take time out of your day to care about other people.  We are only here on this planet for a short amount of time.  Selfishly, I want a ton of people at my funeral, sharing hilarious stories of me being dumb and making them laugh.  I want THOUSANDS of people at my funeral acknowledging the fact that I was a great neighbor and friend.  I want there to be stories told of my blunders and bloopers, successes and failures, times of joy and sorrow, times of laughing till you hurt and peeing yourself.  I want people to know that I LOVED them because I was loved first by God and he took time out of His eternity to show me His perfect love.  If my broken and selfish life was worth loving, then I think I can return a little bit of that.

Feeling soo frustrated!

25 05 2011

Love driving...apparently.

I’m on the brink of depression!  I hate to be so malo-dramatic, but I can’t take it.  All I’ve ever wanted to do is to have a family and wife and that’s about it.

I’d say I’m a pretty good guy.  I take care of myself…last, put everyone else before me, truly care about most people.  Don’t start giving me the psycho babble either.  I already know it because I’m telling myself the same stuff, but I’m not listening to me right now.  Focus on yourself.  Take care of yourself.  Get your life together.  I know!  But I’ve realized that I’m just not meant to be alone.

I really think God is trying to work on me, but I’m trying harder to not let Him.  UUGH!  I hate when God wants to win me back over.  It means letting go of all the stuff that I want to ruin me.  Oh well.

So this started out as a rant, but now I’m gonna try to let God do his thing.  Just pray for me.  I’m not good at being alone, I realize that’s not necessarily healthy, but I have too much love in me to not share it.  So here’s the plan.  Yikes!

I’m gonna start trying to get my career back on track.  Get a career, not a job.  I’m also going to be reading my bible more.  I’ve said that many times to little avail, but I’m gonna work on it this time.  Also, I’m going to get off dating websites.  Those just give me hope that I’ll find someone.  There’s some good people on there, but I waste my time hoping, and not letting God work.  That’s about all I can come up with.

Any suggestions?  Leave a comment, help a brother out!

Mothers Day!

9 05 2011

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to see my mother on mothers day this year.  It’s always a busy day at the resort.  I’ve been thinking about my mom a lot lately.  I was thinking about what I could do for her, what can I get her to let her know how much I really love her.  I’m horrible at that stuff.  Besides, buying something for someone isn’t the best way to tell them you love them.  So, Mother, this is my way of saying “I LOVE YOU!”


You have always been there for me.  I’ve gone through a lot in my time already.  You’ve always been the most supportive person in my life.  Anytime I’ve been down, you’re always there to talk.  If I’m down, you’ll sympathize with me.  If I’m upset, you’ll listen to me vent.  If I’m excited, you’re always there to get excited with me.  You’re not just going through the emotions though.  You’ve showed me what it really means to be a parent.  I have been thinking about this the last few days.

Through my divorce, you didn’t always just get behind me and agree with everything.  You’ve been there to try to reason with me, try to look at the other side of things and really try to work out the situation with me and help me understand what’s really going on.  A lot of people would just say, “she doesn’t deserve you” and that helps, temporarily, but to really help the situation, someone that loves you will tell you how it really is.  You’ve always been that for me.

I really can’t say how much you amaze me.  You’ve been there to bring us to church every sunday when we were younger.  That was hard I’m sure because we weren’t all the easiest to get to church, but you cared for us enough to fight with us every Sunday because you were the parent that truly wanted us to be God’s children.  You embody a parent that raises their kid in a Godly house.  Regardless of how difficult it was, you did what was right.  You gave us the foundation that God wanted for us.  I attribute my salvation to the hard work and perseverance of YOU.  You didn’t save me, but you did everything that God asked of you.  You kept going to church throughout the years, which I believe, ultimately saved our whole family.  You are the mother that I wish I would find in my future wife.

You have the strength that I could only hope for.  You’ve fought for your husband.  You’ve endured countless fights, arguments,  and struggles, and now you have 2 sons who would do anything for you.  You have a spirit that just can’t be broken.  Cancer kills a ton of people, but it will never kill your spirit.  To go through Chemo, Radiation and now this experimental treatment, and still have a passion for life and people that you do, is remarkable.

I’m excited for your retirement.  Yeah, you might go a little stir crazy at first, but you’ve also given your grandson, Ethan, the chance to have a glimpse of the childhood that Josh and I have had.  He will truly be blessed with the time that you give him.  I’m excited for that.

My one desire, is that my child will have that same chance.  I wish that you can see me be a dad.  I hope to be as good of a father as you’ve been a mother.  Just know that my child will be loved and brought up right, because that is the only example that I’ve ever been shown by you and dad.  I hope that I can have you’re strength to take my kids to church, fight with them in the morning to get them going, drag them to church knowing that I’m doing my duty as a parent.  God asks us to bring your children up with a relationship with him, and I know that’s not going to be easy, but you’ve set that example for me.

Mom, in conclusion, you’re the best mom I could have ever imagined.  You’ve trained your children to love God in a world that doesn’ t make that easy.  Josh and I know how lucky we are.  Your the most loving, supportive, understanding, caring, and determined mother I have ever known.  I know you wish that you could’ve given us more, and done more for us, but you’ve already given us the BEST childhood we could’ve asked for.  If we could be a fraction of the parent you were, I would be a happy guy.  Thank you for everything, and know that I LOVE YOU!  I don’t always say it, but you know it.  You’ve left your legacy that will not die with you, but will live on in our children.  You’ve shown us what a PARENT looks like.  You’ve blessed the Barton generations to come with your example of a MOTHER.  Thank you!

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My Goals in life…Explained!

18 07 2010

Ok, I’ve gotten a lot of flack recently and previously for my goals in life.  Let me explain them thoroughly here.

There are two different ways to look at this.  Your goals in life can be either your hopes to accomplish things, or who you strive to be in life.   You can have a goal to be a CEO or and an Artist or whatever you want to do for a career.  That’s great.  I choose to strive to Be someone instead of accomplishing something.  Yes I do strive to accomplish things and I do want a career.  But I will not put my job ahead of who I strive to be.   I will never be a CEO before I am a father.  Does this make sense?

So, here are my goals of WHO I want to be.  I start with these because these are more important than what I want to do.  If I don’t accomplish these things in my life, then I will not be satisfied or have a feeling of completion.  First, a man of God.  I want to be completely and utterly consumed by Gods desire and will for my life.  Am I there?  NO, and if I ever am there, slap me because it’s not something that you can check off a list.  It’s something you have to work at daily.  I also want to be an incredible husband.  What does that look like?  Like a man who puts his wifes needs and desires above his own no matter how bad of a day I’m having.  A man who loves his wife and says she’s beautiful when she’s sick and spewing up vomit and snot.  The guy who isn’t afraid to do kareoke with his wife because she wants to and you want to make her look better up there.  Next, I wanna be a father.  First off, I think it would be a crime against humanity if I didn’t reproduce myself.  I want to be the kind of father who has time for his kids because he’s not always at an office trying to move up a corporate ladder, but instead, I want to work at home in a workshop in my garage.  I want to teach my kids how to succeed in life and not depend on other people, but yet, ask for help or allow other people to help them.  I want them to have a love for God and family and have them truly understand what this life is all about.  I want them to understand that they have parents that love them no matter what.  I also want to be a guy that helps out anyone and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt.  It’s easy to show love towards someone that deserves it, but it takes a Godly love to love a “sinner” and I want that Godly love.  I want my life to be an example of what a “Christian” looks like.  Not being judgmental, a gossiper, a lustful man, a “look what I did” kind of man.  I want to be a friend to everyone and enemy of no one.  Those are my “goals”.

My aspirations in life are different.  I consider my job a means to live a life that is worthy to God.  For example, I want to make enough money to give my family a somewhat comfortable life.  I don’t want to live paycheck to paycheck, but then again, sometimes, that’s when your closest to God when you realize that He’s the only one that’s going to get you through this.  I look at trials as an opportunity for God to show me His love and care.  I want  a job that I love and I can reach people through this job.  I don’t want to work on-line with no personal interaction.  I can’t reach people for Christ over the internet.  I want a job that is beneficial to others as well as myself.

What kind of a job is this?  Not sure yet, but I’m thinking and have a vision to be a custom furniture maker/designer, or maybe in the Architectural world.  I love creating something from nothing.  I love to have an idea, put it roughly on paper, refine that design, put it into the computer and really refine the original idea, and then making it happen.  That is truly my idea of the perfect job…for me.  I have a vision of having a house on the outskirts of town (not out of town, but on the edge) and having a big workshop in the backyard where I can create all of my ideas.  I would love to make furniture that is sought after and people are itching to have me make something for them.  I would want to make a good size business out of it, but I would never give up actually having a hand in the manufacturing process.  I’d want my sons to come and watch and learn what I do, and see their eyes light up at what their dad can create.  That’s my ultimate goal/aspiration as far as a career goes.

Does all this make sense?  If you have any questions about any of this, leave a comment so I can respond.


27 06 2009

Yeah, so I’m a little excited about my vacation coming up! It’s only 8 days away!  I just got my new Nikon S560 camera and it is the bomb.  I still don’t know how to work everything but I will defineately have time when I’m in the woods with nothing but nature’s beauty around me.  So looking forward to Colorado and Seattle.

DSCN0059So my plans for Colorado are this.  At first I’m going to just hang with the fam and relax for a bit.  Then I’m going to be getting my tattoo.  I might give Tim, the tattoo artist, some time to work with my idea and see what he can come up with.  Hopefully my cousin Casey will come with and now my uncle Herb might as well.  It’ll be a good ol’ fashion family tattooing experience.  That’ll be cool.  Then, I will defineately have to take some tours of the brewery’s out there like New Belgium, Odell’s, and maybe even one of the bigger ones.  Who knows.  Other than that though, It’s mostly kicking back and chillaxin.

Then I go on into Seattle, where I will meet up with Matt and Jenny Mouw, two friends from my small group, where we will be heading into the mountains for a 12 day camping trip with no electricity or running water.  Should be interesting but that’s my style of camping.  As far as I understand it, we will be at the base of Mount Baker and Baker lake.  What a gorgeous sight that will be.  There we will be playing alot of games, board and card hopefully, as well as hiking, crabbing, and just good quiet time.  I’m seriously getting excited.  This will be my first trip by myself and going to multiple states.  What a leap for me.  When I get back I will have to update you guys on everything that happened.

Remember though, what happens in Seattle, stays in Seattle…only the stories come back to haunt you.  I guess that’s the part that should stay.  Oh well.  PEACE!