As anyone can tell, I am most passionate about relationships. Most of my posts are about relationships. Whether it’s about friends or significant others, I love relationships. They are soo tricky though! Everything can be great one minute, and the next, it can be irreconcilable. So intricate. Let me look at the friendship part first then move on to the good stuff.
I have a pretty decent group of friends. True friends that care enough about me to inconvenience themselves. But it’s not easy. I’ve put a lot of time and pride swallowing moments into these relationships. I’ve had friends who’ve slept with my Valentines date…not going to mention any names, but it’s the same butthead who also pissed in my shoe and I didn’t find out until 3 months later! Dick! I’ve also had friends who’ve come with me on a stake-out to see if I could catch my ex-wife cheating on me. Not something you want to do at 7 a.m. but he did it. But these relationships are tough. I’ve been talking to a good friend of mine a lot lately about what it means to be a good friend and it really boils down to this. Selflessness. It’s really easy to be caught up in your own “stuff” but how often do you stop and ask your friend what’s going on? Not just “hey, what’s up” but “Hey, somethings on your mind, and I’m not going to have another beer until you tell me what’s up!” Yes, I’ve actually gone that route before. It’s these friends that don’t care how awkward or tiring it is to deal with your “stuff”, but they care enough about you to hash this stuff out. Friends are tough to maintain, but you’ve got to decide if they are people that you care enough about, to put in the work to maintain. Everyone thinks friends are a dime a dozen. Not true! Acquaintances are a dime a dozen, friends are harder to come by. I have friends, and then I have FRIENDS! My FRIENDS I would do almost anything for. They are the people that I can call for a stake-out. Can I call you for a stake-out sometime….? Well could I? I’m not gonna write another post until you comment on whether I can call you for a stake-out! I’ll bring the donuts and Dr. Pepper!
Now for the good stuff! I love to talk about RELATIONSHIPS! I mean your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/ estranged lover/Sancho kind of relationship! Now friends are work, but this is on a whole other scale. At first it’s easy! You think about them all the time, you text them constantly, you call them for no reason but to hear their voice. I love this stage of a relationship. HONEYMOON STAGE! But, it gets better. Unfortunately it’s not as easy. When you start building on a true relationship where you are sharing your life with someone, it’s tough. Life is tough, and that’s just living your own, now try to mix in another selfish person, and some very selfish kids. I say selfish, because it’s not in our nature to be selfless. You have to train yourself to be selfless. Try waking up and living your life for someone else. That’s basically what a perfect marriage is I think. If both people in the relationship wake up and do everything they do that day for the other person i.e. make breakfast that they like, fill the car up before you come home so they don’t have to worry about it, and stop by the store so you can pick up their favorite bottle of wine. It’s these kind of things that bless the other person. If everyone lived their marriage like this, there wouldn’t be a divorce rate. But we are sinful, faulted people. We can’t keep that up forever…unless we ask for help. I fully intend on making this the model for my…next…marriage. The person that I’m with better expect to have all of me forever! I’ll be pouring on the blessings. You’re going to have coffee in the morning, sweet texts throughout the day, flowers once a year…(i’m romantic, not wealthy!) and so forth. I love to love.
Communication is the key to any relationship. Serious or not. If you don’t like something that the other person is doing, tell them. If you feel that you can’t, then it’s not a healthy relationship. Both parties should be able to be completely transparent with each other. “hey, i’m not comfortable with you hanging out with this person, because of X, Y, and Z.” The other person can re-act 1 of 2 ways. “Ok, I don’t necessarily agree, but let’s talk about it”, or maybe, “you’re right, I really shouldn’t, I apologize, thanks for bringing it to my attention”. Or the other way, “You’re always trying to ‘monitor’ who I hang out with, You don’t trust me!” This is the sign of mistrust. I’ve actually found that when someone in a relationship accuses the other of something that is unsubstantiated, then they are usually guilty of it themselves. Communication though is the key. If you can’t talk to the other person, then you shouldn’t be more than friends with them.
Selflessly Selfish! You give soo much of yourself, that there is no other option than for someone to start giving back to you, it’s selflessly selfish. It’s a selfless way to be selfish. Make sense?
Let me know what you think on this topic. I need feedback. Share what you think!