Unfortuneate Happenings

24 06 2009

So, I’m sure most of you know what’s going on with me by now, but I’ve never really came out and said it before.  Danielle, my wife of 4 years has left me.  It’s been hard for me to figure out why, but I think that I understand finally and I want to clear the air in general.

Danielle and ISo this is what happened.  I got off work one day and called Danielle to see what she was doing and she was very short with me on the phone.  Immediately I knew something was wrong, but had no idea of the severity.  I got home that night around midnight or so, and we started to talk.  She told me that she was unhappy again and needed a change.  After we had an hour or so of discussing, crying, and yelling, I finally gave up and went to bed.  The next morning she left and went to her parents house.  I was actually just getting ready to go to California for vacation with my family and so was she.  Turns out she still went, but she ended up staying with her parents in Cali. about 10 mins. away from us.

Well, over the next few weeks, we slowly began to talk little by little, with little bits of progress but not much.  It turns out, that everytime we would talk, she would get some serious emotions flowing and it overwhelmed her so she didnt’ want me to call or text her anymore.  Let me tell you how extremely frustrating it is not be able to talk to the person that gives you your next breath.  I felt that I couldn’t breath without her.  She was my heart and soul for 4 years and, now just like that, we couldn’t talk.  Well, God helped me get through that point.  Over the next weeks, we talked very little which didn’t help me piece together what all was going on.  I didn’t hear much from her and didn’t understand what she was telling me.  Here is what I gather though.

Danielle is a very bright and intelligent girl.  She is very driven to succeed in nursing.  I am a very driven person as well.  I am just not as driven for education and money.  I would love to make decent money, but be more active in the church and do what I want to do, as opposed to making lots of money and having a lucritive career.  Danielle says that she really needs someone who is going to pull her “up” along with them in the career ladder if you will.  And you will.  So she needs someone who is more focused on education and their career than I am.

So here is the crux of the matter.  She wants to get a divorce because I don’t have the education or career that she thinks I should have or that she wants in a spouse.  She’s told me specifically that I’ve haven’t done anything to directly push her away from me, but she doesn’t think that we can make it work because of our future plans and desires.  I think that if you find someone who wants to love you and support you and put your dreams ahead of their own because they want to see you happy and succeed, then you have found a gem!  So we just have different perspectives on marriage.  I think that marriage is about finding someone that you want to love and grow together, and she thinks it’s about 2 people working together to build their careers.  I know that this is one sided, but that’s all your going to get because like I said, she won’t talk to me.

Here’s the final bit of this.  Danielle is a great person!  I don’t have too many quarrels with her.  I also have been put on hold and put on the back burner for 4 months now and I’m about ready to crack.  I want to do my “due diligence” and work this thing out, but I’m not going to put my life on hold for someone that doesn’t give me any respect or courtesy.  It’s frustrating that it took 4 years to really build a marriage that I thought was good and strong, and it’s only taken her 4 months to destroy it.  I love Danielle very much and she will always have a piece of me, but if she doesn’t realize what she has in me very soon, she will only have a piece of me and will have thrown away a great thing.

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