Don’t you hate it when…

26 06 2008

Here’s my latest battle.  I hate it when we go through some really hard times, then God makes His presence known to you, and comforts you, and you two chat it up all the time.  You know why I hate it?  It’s times like now for me that I desire to go through those hard times again.  When Danielle and I split up, God and I were best friends.  We would chat it up at work, in the bathroom, at home, on the way home, and everywhere else.  Now, I make time for video games, but not God.  I don’t even have any good games!!!Why?!?!?

Don’t answer that!  Of course I know why.  I don’t see my need and desire for that kind of relationship with Him.  I hate it.  I need someone constantly following me, demeaning me, telling me I’m worthless so that maybe, just maybe I’ll break down and cry out to God.  I feel like that puzzle that has all the pieces forced together in all the wrong spots.  Sure the pieces don’t move, they are tight, but they are in all the wrong places.  For some reason though, I’m think that if they don’t move and you can lift the dang thing up without it falling apart, than it’s right.  I am put together, but now I am truly in a bad spot. 

As far as I know, I have only three decisions.  I can be ok with the way I am eventhough I know that it’s not right, or I can cry out and say, “God, tear me apart and put me back together the right way!”  Now, that’s two choices I have.  There is one more.  This is my current prayer, “God, put me back together the right way, but piece by piece instead of all at once.”  Now I’m not quite sure if even that is selfish.  It seems that it is selfish to ask God to do it in my timing.  I know that in order to get my life back on track with God, I’m going to have to lose some things.

I’m going to have to lose my comfort for starters.  That is, afterall, my main problem standing between God and I.  If things in life are taking over my life, what do you think is the first thing God’s going to want.  Those precious “THINGS”.  I don’t even think that possessions are my problem.  It’s my time and energy.  I have plenty of both but I’m not willing to use those things for God.  That’s actually not entirely true.  I’m willing, but they need to be asked of me.  So tell me, does anybody need anything of me.  Not just labor or work, but does anybody need someone to bounce ideas off of?  Does anyone have problems that need solved or, for the ladies, do you have problems that you need to share, but don’t need solved?  Actually scratch that, I’m not very good at that one.  (In Seinfeld’s Tone) What is the deal with that!?  Who talks about a problem and doesn’t want it solved???  Wouldn’t that just be a thing??



Anyways, I don’t know how to fix this.  Yes, I do want it fixed, just as convienently for me as possible.  Is that too much to ask?




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