So Danielle and I went to a marriage conference this weekend and it was awesome! The conference we went to was from Family Life called “A Weekend To Remember”. It was amazing. I already said that. I don’t know why I wrote my thoughts that don’t apply to my post. I’m still doing it. AHHHH! Anyways, I will probably be writing alot more of the topics that really hit home for Danielle and I.
Danielle and I swear by marital counseling. If you’re a guy then I know what you’re thinking. “Does it help me get my wife to understand that I need sex more often then NEVER?!” Yes! Understand, though, that it comes with other things as well. Truly though, counseling is not saying, “My marriage sucks and I can’t fix it on my own.” It is saying that my wife/husband and I could be better. If you think that you have the perfect marriage, slap yourself because you’re dreaming. If you ever think that you’re marriage doesn’t need any work, that just means that you’re blind and dumb. Any relationship that you have could be better. By going to counseling, you have just taken the first step to making yourself happier.
Now that your interested in being happier, let me ruin that for you. The only way to make yourself happier, is to make your spouse happier. Ha! Still interested? It’s very true. If you want to be happier in you’re marriage, you can try two ways. Trying to make yourself happier, or your spouse happier which in turn will make you happier. Let’s look at the first example.
What would make you happier by your own means? Where are you feeling neglected? Need more sex? Do you need to feel needed, loved, desired, like you can talk to someone? Sex is a two person act! Sorry guys, what you’re thinking is a climax, not sex. Sex is an act of love between two people. Notice the two in there? Do you need to feel like someone cares for you? You can’t tell someone to care about you and expect them to truly care if they aren’t receiving the same thing from you. The same goes for the rest. They might give it to you for a little while, but it won’t last if they aren’t receiving it from you. That’s the same reason that you don’t feel like giving it to them. Bottom line is, you can only take out what you’ve put in. Have you ever heard of the “Marriage Box?” If you put nothing into that box, you can’t take anything out.
Women: Look at these boxes and think which one you’d rather have. The one that’s empty, or the one with “honey, you look amazing” or “I’m so lucky to have such an amazing women by my side” or “why don’t you take a bubble bath while I clean the house and watch the kids”? I know tough choice.
Men: Do the same. Would you rather have the empty box, or the one with “Let’s have sex, right here, right now, take me to pleasure town!” or “What can I make you for dinner sweetie?” or “I think you should go get yourself an HD DLP TV with an HD DVD player”. Wow, are we really that obsessed with letters guys? Besides, did you even know that there was two other options after the first one?
So let’s look at the other way. To make yourself happier, get over yourself, and serve your spouse. Put everything you have into that box. Try to out-serve your spouse (This also works with people who are dating, it actually starts the relationship off the right way). If you give your spouse words of affirmation, gifts, acts of love, loving touches (non-sexual), and quality time, there is nothing that your spouse can take out of that box except for those things. By the way, yes it is the 5 love languages. If you haven’t read the book, start there, otherwise you may be working in vain. It only makes sense. It’s against the grain, but then again, societies grain is leading to divorce these days.
So, what sounds better? What sounds more feasible. Do you agree? Do you think that it’s just blowing smoke? Is there anything else you can add to it?