In my last post, one of the points I was trying to get across was that fact that your spouse doesn’t owe you a thing. I picked this up through the marriage counseling my wife and I went through. When you get married you have many “Expectations”. You expect, that when you get married, your wife will have dinner waiting for you when you get home from work, and the kids will run up to you and greet you with a hug and a kiss, and want to go outside and play ball with you. Or your husband will come home after a hard workout focussing on his six pack abs, and yet didn’t sweat a drop and he just wants to cuddle all night long. Not a bad thing to hope for, but you can’t expect it.
Expectations make blessing your spouse nearly impossible. “I expect my wife to have dinner ready, or at least be working on it when I get home.” Since you have that expecation, if she get’s it done, then she’s just “broke even” with your expectation. She meant to get ahead of the game. Even though she had her own things going the entire day, she comes home, takes the extra time to make dinner and still ends up “even”. So how does she get ahead. Well, she can bust her butt doing all of her things, make dinner, and then trim the hedges? Then you’ll start expecting that, setting that bar higher and higher until it’s impossible to reach. Let’s start over and drop the expectations. You get home, and your wife has dinner started. You weren’t expecting anything, so by this being done your grateful and happy to see her. Guys, I think this is where we need to step up and initiate this. I know what you’re thinking. “I’ll have her drop all her expectations of me and then things will be good.” No! You drop your’s first and see how things change. You’ll be a happier person too. Think about it. The littlest thing your wife does for you will please you soo much.
I was at my Lifegroup the other day just sitting there staring at one of the little kids there. He was just staring up at the ceiling, drinking out of his sippy cup, and loving life. Someone went to get something out of the fridge and he was so interested in that fridge. Then he got a cookie and sat there and just mouthed it for a good 5 minutes. Once again, just loving life. I sat there and was so envious of this little kid. How I wish I was so easily entertained and amused. I was thinking, “Man I wish I could sit there and have someone bring me a sippy cup and a cookie. Then I could just sit back in a chair and stair at the ceiling and be perfectly content.” This is what it would be like to drop ALL our expectations. Staring at a fridge amazed at it’s size would be the equivalent to, your wife getting you a napkin, because she was already getting herself one. The littlest thing could make us so happy. I would love to stop in the middle of dinner, overwhelmed with the love and appreciation for my wife, because she got me a napkin. That’s the marriage I’m striving for.