Expectations suck!

28 02 2008

In my last post, one of the points I was trying to get across was that fact that your spouse doesn’t owe you a thing.  I picked this up through the marriage counseling my wife and I went through.  When you get married you have many “Expectations”.   You expect, that when you get married, your wife will have dinner waiting for you when you get home from work, and the kids will run up to you and greet you with a hug and a kiss, and want to go outside and play ball with you.  Or your husband will come home after a hard workout focussing on his six pack abs, and yet didn’t sweat a drop and he just wants to cuddle all night long.  Not a bad thing to hope for, but you can’t expect it. 

Expectations make blessing your spouse nearly impossible.  “I expect my wife to have dinner ready, or at least be working on it when I get home.”  Since you have that expecation, if she get’s it done, then she’s just “broke even” with your expectation.  She meant to get ahead of the game.  Even though she had her own things going the entire day, she comes home, takes the extra time to make dinner and still ends up “even”.  So how does she get ahead.  Well, she can bust her butt doing all of her things, make dinner, and then trim the hedges?  Then you’ll start expecting that, setting that bar higher and higher until it’s impossible to reach.  Let’s start over and drop the expectations.  You get home, and your wife has dinner started.  You weren’t expecting anything, so by this being done your grateful and happy to see her.  Guys, I think this is where we need to step up and initiate this.  I know what you’re thinking.  “I’ll have her drop all her expectations of me and then things will be good.”  No!  You drop your’s first and see how things change.  You’ll be a happier person too.  Think about it.  The littlest thing your wife does for you will please you soo much. Happy Married Couple

I was at my Lifegroup the other day just sitting there staring at one of the little kids there.  He was just staring up at the ceiling, drinking out of his sippy cup, and loving life.  Someone went to get something out of the fridge and he was so interested in that fridge.  Then he got a cookie and sat there and just mouthed it for a good 5 minutes.  Once again, just loving life.  I sat there and was so envious of this little kid.  How I wish I was so easily entertained and amused.  I was thinking, “Man I wish I could sit there and have someone bring me a sippy cup and a cookie.  Then I could just sit back in a chair and stair at the ceiling and be perfectly content.”  This is what it would be like to drop ALL our expectations.  Staring at a fridge amazed at it’s size would be the equivalent to, your wife getting you a napkin, because she was already getting herself one.  The littlest thing could make us so happy.  I would love to stop in the middle of dinner, overwhelmed with the love and appreciation for my wife, because she got me a napkin.  That’s the marriage I’m striving for.


Marriage Is Tricky

28 02 2008

Marriage is a tricky thing.  One minute it could be bliss, and the next, it’s the worst decision you think you ever made.  One thing marriage is for sure, is work.  The dream wedding might have taken place, but the dreams over now, it’s time to get to work.  That’s what marriage is too, work.  It’s not easy, but you can work through it.  It’s a lot less painful than divorce is though.  That’s why God hates divorce.  It’s not the people that He hates.  He hates divorce because He knows how much pain it causes us.

What is the main cause of divorce?  Adultery?  Finances?  If you really think about it, it’s actually really simple.  Selfishness.  “My husband isn’t fulfilling my needs as a woman!”  “She spends all of MY money!”  I know it’s not a new concept, but it sures seems to be something that most people are overlooking or not willing to fix.  So, how do you combat Selfishness?  Selflessness!  Understand husbands and wives, your spouse doesn’t owe you a thing!  The sooner you understand that, the easier things will get.

As Danielle and I have gone through marriage counseling, before and after we got married, we’ve taken a good long look at what God says is the right way to do marriage.  Also, understand what Marriage is.  It’s a choice you made to Love your husband/wife till death do you part.  Notice it’s not, “Love your husband/wife until you don’t feel like you love each other any more.  We have this notion that LOVE is a feeling.  Love is a choice.

Men:If you chooseto do the laundry for your wife, and watch the kids for her so she can go shopping without the kids on a leash, take a nap together, buy her roses, tell her she’s beautiful, kiss her behind the ear and whisper “I love you”.  She’ll love it.  You know what she’ll do for you?  Who cares, look at you being selfish again!  “If I do this for her, she’ll do something for me, right?”  If you do those things for her with that as your driving motivation, you’ll be dissappointed.  She’s human and just as selfish as you are.

Dogs sleeping together Sometimes, just being together is the best thing you can do for each other.

Women: If you choose to have a meal prepared for him when he gets home, see how his day went, see if you guys can take the dog for a walk, give him a back rub, initiate a night a mattress mambo.  Do these things because you know that he’ll love it.  Do the small things for him.  Don’t expect anything in return though.  It’s very easy to get into that trend of “well I did this, so what are you going to do for me?”.  Do it because you choose to love him everyday.

Try it for a while and see how it works out for ya.  Fulfill each other’s needs without expecting anything in return.