Coming to fruition…

Well, my gut-wrenching feeling of being thrown a curveball was somewhat right.  I find myself doing well, not just ok, but doing good, then I get some news that confuses me and I get out of that euphoric state.  It sucks, but like I said, I had a feeling it was going to happen.  I’m going to have to get back to my “happy” place and really search out God.  I’ve lost touch for just a day and I can see the effects it has already.  It’s hard because I’ve lost my “zen” place.  I just recently got another tattoo and I can’t have it soak which takes away my bath that I take when I really need to connect with God.  Yes, I take baths.  Laugh if you want, it’s relaxing.  And No, I don’t take bubble baths.  So I need to find another way to find that place to be with God.  Any suggestions?

Counseling

So this post is much different from my others, but I figured why not.  I’ve been doing counseling every Monday for the last few weeks and so far I’ve really loved it.  This week was different though.  I’ve been doing really well lately with my current situation.  I’m closer to God than I’ve ever been.  I’m actually happy.  I guess I shouldn’t say happy as much as Joy-filled.  I’m truly joyous!  God has given me a peace about my situation that I haven’t ever had.  I’ve never been so stress, worry, and anxious free as I am now.  I know that’s probably not proper grammar, but I’m not stressed about that either.  I’m truly living in God’s arms.  I’m just waiting for Him to show me which direction to go and I’m loving it.  Unfortuneatly my brother asked me a very simple and tough question last night.  He simply asked, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”  I really didn’t have an answer.  I don’t know.  So that’s my next obstacle.  Where do I see myself in 5 years.  Is it in Arizona?  Is it working for a church?  Is it still living with my parents?  Who knows.  I don’t want to just sit here stagnent until God has to do something drastic to get me back on track.  So I’m going to be doing some soul searching and figuring out what I’m going to be doing in 5 years.  It’s a tough question if you haven’t thought about it.  Give it a try and do some searching for yourself.  Let me know what you think.  Do you have a 5 year plan?  Do you have goals and dreams?

So this week’s counseling session, I was a bit confused.  He asked me what was wrong, and I didn’t really have much to talk about.  I told him life was going great right now.  So for the first little bit, he was confused as well trying to find an area that we could work on.  Finally we talked about my 5 year plan thing and that’s what we ended up talking about the rest of the session.  It was just funny to go to the counselor and not have anything to rant and rave about.

Unexpected stuff…

You ever feel that you just start figuring things out and how things are supposed to work out, then all the sudden you get thrown a curveball.  I’m feeling like that now.  My emotions are all jacked up right now.  My head is right, but my emotions aren’t.  I’m resting easy in the fact that God has what’s best for me in my life.  I know this and truly trust Him.  I just have this gut wrenching feeling that I’m going to be thrown a curveball soon, and that’s going to screw things up for me.  It’s a terrible feeling.  Not because it’s going to happen, but that I don’t know when/how it’s going to happen.  I’ll have to keep ya updated on the progress of things and see if my gut-wrenching feeling is coming to fruition.

P.S. that’s not me in the picture.  Just wanted to clarify.

If God brings you to it…

So my friend from my Lifegroup gave me a present yesterday.  It’s a sign that says, “If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.”  It’s a very simple concept, and yet it has a very awesome theme.

I’m just thinking how awesome is that.  I’ve been following God, like really following Him for the last few years.  Of course little valley’s and whatnot here and there, but my goal has been to follow God’s plan for my life.  Try to find out where He wants me and go with it.  Now I am really at a downpoint in life, and yet “If God brings me to it, He will bring me through it.”  It’s an awesome concept.  I’m just starting to really delve into this idea of complete surrender to God’s will.  Not my will fitting in with God’s, but truly His will.  I understand that as long as I’m walking with God and searching for His heart in my life, I know that I will truly be better off.  It brings me back to the passage of the father and gifts.  “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:11-12) I want my will to be done, but I know that God’s will is soo much better.  I know and trust that God wants more for my life, like joy, contentment, LOVE, trust and closeness, than I could have ever reached on my own.  That’s an awesome God.  It’s not easy to want God’s will, but I’m learning, praying and asking for God’s wisdom and patience, so that I can pursue God and not my own empty desires.

We have a saying on every piece of currency that I don’t think we ever think about.  “In God we Trust”.  I don’t think we ever do that with our money, but most of all, our lives.  When are we, as flawed people, ever going to trust that our father in heaven has a much better plan for us that we can concieve. I long for the day that I can say before everyone, “I trust God with everything I have and mostly what I don’t have.  I know that my Father in heaven is watching over me and wants the best for my life”. The only way to experience that it is to completely surrender to Him and His will.  God, I long for Your will in my life, I trust You and Love You.  I don’t need to know what’s next for me, I just need to know that You’re walking me through it.  I pray that I give up my desires, and desire You alone.  Amen!

Love and Happiness

What does LOVE look like?  How would you describe love?  How would you describe Happiness?  I think these two things are often intertwined.  Happiness and Love are two very different things!

What does happiness look like?  You are happy when you first meet someone special because they are something new to you.  They are someone that you would like to find out more about.  It’s the Lure of the new Adventure.  What happens when you learn more about that person?  You start to lose some of the Adventure.  You start to lose the butterflies that you used to get.  How do you get those butterflies back?  Do you chase the butterflies?  No!  You chase the person who brought the butterflies.  Now this can be dangerous.  If you’re in a relationship and you start losing the butterflies, you need to be aware that Satan wants to break down your relationship.  Especially if it’s a Christian relationship.  Nothing gives the Devil more gratification that ruining a Union that God brought together.  How’s he going to do that?  He’s going to be whispering little lies in your head.  “That guys really nice to you, I think he might even like you.  You’re significant other doesn’t make you feel that way.  That’s because you don’t Love him anymore.  This person gives you those nice butterflies that you’ve been chasing for so long.  This is what will make you happy!”  All LIES!.  Yeah you will get those butterflies.  Just like you did when you were stealing candy or clothes from a store.  It’s nerves.  It’s the excitement of doing something wrong when you could get caught.  Is it really worth it though.  Is stealing that shirt going to really change things?  Is it going to make you happy?  No!  It’s going to hold you over for a little bit before you want those butterflies again.  Same concept.  When you’re with someone for a while, you start losing the butterflies.   That’s when you have to spice things up.  Not sexually, just in general.  Be spontaneous, go on a trip last minute, make a spontaneous purchase, give your significant other a random gift to show that you still love them.  Now here’s the difference between LOVE and HAPPINESS.

HAPPiNeSs is something that HAPPENS.  Love is an action.  It’s a choice.  I choose to breathe everyday because it keeps me living.  If I stop choosing to breathe, I die.  If you stop choosing to love, you’re LOVE will DIE!  Is that clear enough.  Whenever you choose to live life with someone else, you’re always going to have bumps in the road.  You’re always going to have quarrels.  That’s the way we are.  God made marriage for two people to come together, get over their selfish ways, and completely and wholly give their lives to each other.  It’s a sacrifice.  It’s a commitment to God saying, “God, I know you LOVE me and I know you’re GOOD, I will choose to get my HAPPINESS from You and Love my spouse unconditionally because that’s what I agreed to and that’s what you ask of me”.  I’m talking about marriage here.  Marriage is not a temporary thing.  When you get married, you give a piece of you to your spouse.  They will forever be with you.  They know your quarks, your imperfections, your intimate areas, and that person will always have a piece of your most intimate experiences.  That will affect you for the rest of you’re life.  Finding someone else who gives you those “butterflies” will not fix your problems.  They will lose the butterflies too and you’ll be in the same position.  Spending years of your life giving pieces of yourself to multiple people, and not truly be able to give all of yourself to one person.  That’s LIFE!  Choose to Love everyday anew, and God will honor you in that. I’ve seen too many marriages go to crap because they see greener grass.  Take the time to water, trim, feed, and nurture you’re own grass and no other grass will ever compare.  That’s still a choice that you have to make.  I pray that you do, and I pray that you’re marriage is blessed for your hard work.  God bless.

I’ve got a dream!

I’ve been thinking alot about what I’m going to be doing the rest of my life.  I’ve recently had the “opportunity” to rethink where I’m going and what I want to do with my life. It’s kind of interesting when I think about it.  The things that I now want to do are things that I would’ve never mentioned or hoped for 5 years ago.  I’m a changed man through my experiences.  Through my trials and tribulations.  Here’s my two ideas.

First, I have always been a guy that likes to work with my hands and create things.  I do have an imaginative mind that likes to create things and build things to fit a need.  I like meeting needs.  So my first idea is going to this school called “Penn Foster” which is basically a carpentry school.  Now at first I wasn’t excited about being a framer or remodeler of houses.  That’s what I was going to concede to because I didn’t know at the time that they have a cabinetry and furniture making course.  Now that is right up my alley.  I’ve been building a couple of pieces here and there, but they are always over built.  They could all withstand a category 4 hurricane.  Literally, I tested them all…ish.  So I’m excited that I could learn the correct way to build nice looking pieces of custom furniture.  I can still create things out of my own beautiful mind, but I could build them light, beautiful, and strong at the same time.  It’s an epiphany for me.  So that is my first option.

Second, I’ve just recently had this inspiration to travel the country.  Not your typical travel though.  At first I thought that I was going to be mooching off people, because I want to travel the country, but stay with friends and family while finding a temporary job there.  The thing is, isn’t that what friends and family are for?  To help out and lend a hand when you can.  I might be biased, but I think that I make a pretty good roommate.  You will hardly know I’m there.  Here’s why it’s exciting to me.  I make friends where ever I go, and I do have a passion to spread the Gospel.  I don’t do that well with just trying to meet new people and tell them about God.  If I keep on the move, getting jobs at a bunch of different locations, I have a chance to meet new people and build relationships with them all over the country.  I’ve always been very easy to get along with, and most of the times I make very deep friendships right off the bat.  That’s just my personallity.  I love to invest my time into people and God.  The hard part would be moving my stuff all the time.  I was thinking about getting a motorcycle and traveling across the country.  The plan would have been to take only the very essential stuff, and buy new clothes and necessities at every new stop I went.  Its not very cost effective, but it would have been cool.  I think if I were to do this, then I would probably just fix up my Honda so it was a solid running machine, then take all my clothes and personals with me.

Anyways, these are my new ideas.  I’m excited at the possibilities.  The most frustrating part is that they can’t work together.  The Penn Foster thing is a 15 month online class.  You’re probably thinking, well it’s online so that would work.  Not quite, I have to build 4 projects and they send me the materials so I can build them.  Unless I wanted to go back home every few months to build one of my projects.  Not necessarily a bad idea but not the easiest to make work.

Patience!

You know the worst thing about patience.  You have to wait for it.  I’m not very good with waiting.  I’ve got alot of things going on right now and one of the most important things in my life, I have to wait and see what happens.  It’s excruciating.  I think as a part of the male DNA, we don’t do well with letting things “work out”.  For good or for bad, we are not good at that.  I’m constantly thinking of how I can fix things, and yet the best way to fix my situation is to wait.  The irony!  If anyones got any tidbits they would like to share on managing this, let me know.

David Cook

David cook stole my song.  If you haven’t heard his song “Come back to me” that is my new anthem.  He has taken my situation and put it to a song.  It’s incredible.  The song is decent but the words came jumping out of my chest and onto his pages.  Check it out.  The Words are the good part and the video is hilarious.